


GSF Additional One-shots

by gingerfic, GleeSeasonFix, wowbright



Series: Glee Season Fix Project [4]
Category: Glee
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-12
Updated: 2015-05-10
Packaged: 2018-03-07 08:34:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3168407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gingerfic/pseuds/gingerfic, https://archiveofourown.org/users/GleeSeasonFix/pseuds/GleeSeasonFix, https://archiveofourown.org/users/wowbright/pseuds/wowbright
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Part 4 of the Glee Season Fix series is where we collect all additional one-shots that our writers or guest-writers want to publish outside of the regular episodes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Bros Helping Bros

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: This is a work of fanfiction. All the characters and backstories belong to Glee and its creators.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one-shot occurs during GSF episode 2 “Red X”  
> Puck gets a phone call from Kurt that gets them both thinking.  
> This one is for everyone who asked for a little Puck and Kurt friendship! Enjoy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written by [ gingerfic ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/gingerfic/pseuds/gingerfic)  
> Beta by [ HKvoyage ](http://hkvoyage.tumblr.com) and [ alwaysfallingforanidea ](http://alwaysfallingforanidea.tumblr.com/)

Noah Puckerman scrolled through his missed calls after his daily drill practice, and was surprised to find one from Kurt Hummel. With a quizzical look on his face, Puck plopped onto his couch before pressing the call button on his phone.

"Hello?" Kurt answered on the first ring.

"Hey, I was just callin' back. 'Sup bro?"

"Oh, hi, thanks for returning my call," there were some rustling and shuffling noises. "I only have a couple of minutes. Blaine is going to be home soon."

"And then you will not be able to talk to me because you'll be too busy lookin’ at him?" Puck teased.

"No, I mean I wanted to talk to you _about_ him, so I don't want him to hear."

"Hey now wait, I mean you guys are my bros and all but I don't need to hear ‘bout none a that..."

"Oh my god Puck, that was not even, ugh. Get your mind out of the gutter!" Kurt huffed in annoyance, even though he was also a little amused. For all of his gruffness, Puck had always been very supportive of his relationship with Blaine.

"So, what then?" Puck had always preferred when people got straight to the point. That was one thing he really liked about the military: no mind games, just rules.

“Well, I need some advice--” Kurt paused, looking for the right words.

“God, Hummel, just spit it out!”

“You know how we’ve been engaged for, like, ever?”

“Yeah,”

“Well Blaine has been asking me for months about setting a date for the wedding. And I’ve just been nervous about it. And it’s making things awkward.”

“And you’re calling _me_ about this?” Puck asked incredulously. “Because I’m always so good at making things _not_ awkward?!”

“Well, you’re the only one of my friends who is currently in a long-term relationship. I guess I thought you might have insight.”

Puck snorted. “Kurt, you realize that Quinn and I live like a billion miles apart, right? I know we’ve been together for a year and a half, but we’ve only actually been together for a few weeks of that. And that’s all been spread out with a few days here and a few days there. Mostly we’re a phone couple.”

“Uh,” Kurt was beginning to think that Puck hadn’t been the right one to call after all.

“Not that phone-based relationships are all bad, if you know what I mean! ‘Cause we can still--” Puck added salaciously.

“God, Puck, ew!” Kurt stopped him. “I don’t need to hear about your long distance sex life!”

“What comes around goes around,” Puck replied pointedly.

“Alright, so maybe I should just hang up now and pretend this call never happened…”

“No, Kurt, wait. I can help,” Puck assured him. “I mean, I will try. What’s your question?”

“Well, Blaine really wants to set a date, and I’m finally ready to do that too, but after disagreeing about it for so long now I’m not sure how to tell him that I’ve changed my mind.”

“Well there’s always the classic option of whispering it in bed,” Puck offered.

Kurt scoffed, and then he chuckled. “No, Puck, I didn’t ask how _you_ would do it, I’m asking how _I_ should do it. In bed is cliché. I need something more _us_.”

“Well,” Puck thought for a minute. “What did he do when he wanted to tell you that he was ready for the next step?”

“He organized a massive surprise proposal.”

“So…”

“Oh,” Kurt gasped. “ _Oh!_ Thank you Puck!”

“You’re welco--” Puck began but Kurt cut him off.

“Blaine will be home any second so I need to go. But thank you. This will be perfect.”

“Sure, anytime bro.”

Puck smiled as the line went dead. He had no idea what Kurt was going to do, but sometimes just reminding people of what they already knew could lead them to what they wanted and what to do next. He was glad he’d been able to help.

He got up from the couch and poured himself a drink, stretching his back before settling on a stool at the kitchen counter and staring at the clock on the wall. The melancholy [music](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XIJHg1XWR7o) flooded his mind as he took his first drink.

He missed Quinn. He spent a lot of evenings staring at that wall clock, waiting for when he could call her. Even when he waited for the designated times, she often kept the call brief so that she could get to her homework. Or sometimes she had to rush off to a study group or some other campus activity… It seemed like there was always something else she needed to do that took precedence over talking with him.

Puck really cared about Quinn. He knew that what they had wasn’t like what Kurt had with Blaine, and it never had been, but it was still good. At least he thought it was. He had meant it when he told her that she deserved to be with someone who knew all of her and her history and that she shouldn’t have to pretend to be someone else. Puck definitely knew her that way, and he accepted all of it. His own past wasn’t exactly perfect either.

Puck took a large swallow from his glass. He had absolutely no regrets about getting together with Quinn. But it was hard being so far apart, and he knew they were separated by more than just geography. They just weren’t going the same places with their lives.

Once he had thought that Beth might keep them together. They had made her together. They both loved her. But he had realized--even before Quinn had--that Beth was better off with Shelby. She had a happy and stable life with her. Now and then he wondered how his life might have been different if he and Quinn had kept Beth, or had gotten her back from Shelby during senior year. But he no longer ever doubted that they’d made the right choice.

Quinn had hated him for that once. He was pretty sure she didn’t anymore though. It was just another piece of their shared history. Their very long, complicated, weird, shared history.

In moments like this though, he wondered if their current relationship was too much about their history, and not enough about their present.

“Hey Puckerman,” his roommate hollered as he came through the front door, slamming it behind himself as he always did.

“Hey Nielsen.”

“Some of the guys are getting pizza, do you wanna--” he broke off mid-sentence as he came into the kitchen and saw Puck. “God, it’s like 5:30, it’s a little early for drinking bro!”

“It’s one of those days,” Puck argued.

“Tuesday?”

“No.”

“The girl,” Nielsen nodded sagely.

“Yeah,” Puck agreed, “the girl.”

“She’s pretty and all, but you know as well as I do that she ain’t the one. Sometimes I think you’re still in that relationship just out of habit. Like you’ve been in so long you forgot how to get out.”

Puck shrugged, staring at the last few drops of liquid in the bottom of his glass as he gently swirled them around.

“Well that’s not fair to anybody,” Nielsen pointed out, grabbing Puck’s arm and pulling on it. “Now c’mon, you need to get out of the house and there’s a meat lover’s combo pie with your name on it. Let’s go.”

Puck plunked down the glass and got to his feet. Pizza sounded good.

 _Tell me when it kicks in_  
  
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Song:

Bloodstream by Ed Sheeran

 

 


	2. Episode 4 - Midnight City - Mobile version

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s Halloween in GSF land and after last week’s Reunion, the boys in NYC would rather have homemade Italian dinner and watch a classic horror movie than go trick or treating in the city that never sleeps. Artie has a way better plan anyway: it’s the perfect opportunity to invite the others to an exclusive reading of his latest stroke of genius: The script to “The Curse of Midnight City” — America’s next fantasy adventure that’s going to revolutionise the film industry! Or… is it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOU ARE CURRENTLY VIEWING THE MOBILE-FRIENDLY VERSION. 
> 
> Episode 4 was written by [ thedementress](http://thedementress.tumblr.com/), [ alwaysfallingforanidea ](http://alwaysfallingforanidea.tumblr.com/) & [ bertagivingopinion ](http://bertagivingopinion.tumblr.com/)  
> Beta by [ HKvoyage ](http://hkvoyage.tumblr.com) & [ surrithehobbit ](http://surrithehobbit.tumblr.com/)& [ awkwardanne4 ](http://awkwardanne4.tumblr.com/)  
> Special thanks to the entire GSF team who helped us out when we thought we couldn't pull through. 
> 
> Disclaimer: This is a work of fanfiction. All the characters and backstories belong to Glee and its creators.  
> Glee Season Fix (“GSF”) was written independently of spoilers about Glee Season 6. If songs or plots overlap, it’s due to coincidence or nature of the storylines that need resolution.
> 
> Like on the show, GSF also includes songs and performances. Since this episode explores supernatural and mysterious themes, we particularly recommend you to listen to the songs while reading. It will set the mood. Inspiration for the title was the song [ Midnight City by M83](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2hZYqjfZXPI)
> 
> VERY IMPORTANT:  
> Midnight City is not your regular GSF episode. We tried to do something different this time. Even though "in reality" the location stays the same, we wanted to incorporate as many characters through Artie's script, an alternative universe, so to speak. You'll hopefully get used to the format pretty quickly. Instead of a colour scheme, here we distinguish between real and AU with the help of font style. Real-life loft on goings are regular font, the AU is in italics.  
> If you want the full AU-experience, then you may want to consider reading this one on a bigger screen.
> 
> Warnings: As this is our Halloween Special, one of the musical numbers, Disturbia, might not be for the faint-hearted. ;)

HALLOWEEN 2014

\-----------------------------------

New York City

\-----------------------------------

 

“Blaine?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“Why are there pumpkin guts on our ceiling?”

 

Blaine joined Kurt’s gaze at the area above the kitchen. An overly enthusiastic pulling of pulp had caused that, he surmised. Blaine gave a sheepish smile before turning back to his pumpkin.

 

“I wanted to surprise you with jack o’ lanterns of each of us,” he said while Kurt moved around the apartment to set his bags and coat aside. When Blaine had texted him in class that he was going back home early, Kurt could only imagine what his fiancé had up in his sleeve. Unfortunately for Blaine, Kurt had arrived home early as well. _I should have known, Kurt thought,_   _the handmade puppets foreshadowed this._

 

As Kurt moved in for a kiss on Blaine’s cheek, he withdrew quickly. A sticky, fleshy pumpkin seed had already gotten there first.

 

“Did the reunion have anything to do with this idea?” Kurt sighed, ripping out sheets of paper towel to begin cleaning up the mess. He had been looking forward to a comfortable evening  of finishing his homework for his Speech III (Accents) class before the gang arrived with their share of Halloween fare, wine, and a horror movie for the night. The suggestion of going trick or treating hung in the air until the chilly weather marched in. So a much needed night-in of relaxation from college work was agreed upon.

 

That said, Blaine wanted to decorate the apartment for the holiday. “A little,” he said, swiping his cheek with his shoulder. “It felt like being in the New Directions family all over again with the stories and the microphone hoarding. And then it reminded me of when Coop and I were kids. We had this Halloween tradition of carving a pumpkin of our favorite TV show character of the year. We kind of stopped after the year when Coop carved out his own face.” Kurt nodded, understanding.

 

“All right,” Kurt said, throwing away the last of the mess and washing his hands. “I’m going to help.”

 

“Really?” Blaine perked up. That smile of his was irresistible to Kurt in so many ways. Kurt rolled his eyes fondly and stared down at the remaining three untouched pumpkins and the candles still in their packaging.

 

“Yes, but first,” running over to the speaker set, Kurt snapped in his phone and picked out a song. “A sing-a-long.” As the opening haunting notes breathed a playful darkness into their apartment, Blaine laughed at the familiarity and felt like a kid again. Joining him, Kurt picked out a pumpkin and a knife.

 

Blaine picked up the pumpkin he was working on and held it over his face to mock-frighten Kurt, who snorted at the way Blaine was swaying to the song.

 

Pumpkins momentarily forgotten, the couple chased each other around the kitchen, making faces and singing raucously. They were so absorbed in the spirit of Halloween that they didn’t notice the apartment door open and close with a snap.

 

Pumpkins completely forgotten, Blaine and Kurt synced up for a spontaneous performance to the song. Back to back, arms crossed, eyes sparkling, they continued to exchange lines.

 

 _That's our job,_ Blaine sang.

 

 _But we're not mean,_ Kurt finished.

 

And together, _in our town of Halloween_

Ending with a spin, they fell to the ground amidst giggling, knowing how absolutely ridiculous they looked right now. It’s a good thing that no one saw--

 

“Oh. Hi, Sam. When did you get here?”

 

Sam turned from the TV to check the heavily-breathing boys with an amused look. A whole night of getting up from the couch to hand out candy to kids and adults in Frozen costumes at Ohio wasn’t exactly his idea of Halloween, so Sam decided to extend his stay in New York. And when you stay around in Bushwick, walking in on his two friends, sometimes in much more compromising situations, is something one is already used to. Also when did he get that beer from the fridge?

 

“Boo,” he cheekily replied, turning his attention back to Hoarders. Smiling, he saw that nothing has changed in the apartment.

 

\-----------------------------------------

 

Artie arrived at the Hummel-Anderson loft around 8 o’clock, and explained that Mike could not make it as he was in the “Rocky Horror Picture Show” campus community performance that night. With the freshly carved pumpkins all lined up in a row as the table’s centerpiece, Blaine grinned as Artie snickered at his pumpkin; it had aluminum foil wheels and wire glasses. Sam’s pumpkin simply had a little toy lightsaber carefully glued to it. They’d light them later before their annual rewatch of “The Shining”.

 

Over lasagna and a mountain of garlic bread that made for a delicious Halloween dinner, Artie announced his ideal evening plans to the rest.

 

“Guys, let’s do a table read of my script.” Everyone groaned.

 

“Artie, we just did that last week.” Kurt complained. “What’s wrong with it now?”

 

“It just didn’t feel right,” Artie said. “The romance felt forced and the dolphin metaphor didn’t work. So I scrapped it and wrote a new one.”

 

Sam had his head in his hands. “No more table reads,” he muttered in an overly whiny tone, pretending to be equally as annoyed.

 

“This one will be fun, I promise,” Artie said. “It’s a fantasy story with creatures and everything. It’s right up your alley, Sam.”

 

“I was totally just joking, man. It’s not like I have to endure this every week. I dig creatures and fantasy and everything. But first…,” Sam paused to shove an impressive amount of lasagna into his mouth, “I have an empty stomach to fill.”

 

Kurt and Blaine nodded mutely, partly in awe of the amount of Italian pasta hamstered away in Sam’s cheeks, but mostly wanting to spare Artie’s feelings by not expressing their utmost reluctance.

 

When the dishes had all been cleared away, Artie pulled out a thick script from his bag. “I already sent digital copies to your email accounts, so you can pull it up from there,” he said matter-of-factly and waited for everyone to retrieve their electronical devices.

 

“All right, let’s begin,” Artie said in his most businesslike tone.

 

**CHARACTERS**

 

 **Arthur:** _Protagonist. Very smart and rides on a beastly liger (lion-tiger hybrid) all the time._

 

 **Samuel:** _Sidekick. Can impersonate any person he knows. Like Mystique but not as smoking hot._

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------

“Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?” Sam looked up with a frown on his face. 

Artie coughed and pushed on.

\------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 **Sir Blaise:** _The classically, handsome knight who is basically perfect in every way._

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------

“Why does Blaine get to be a knight?”

 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Sam. It’s _Sir Blaise._ ”

\------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 **Prince Kuno:** _A prince in distress who is being forced into a loveless, straight marriage and is expected to consummate it within 12 hours._

_His power is his always fantastic hair._

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------

“Just what have you been drinking, Artie?” Kurt asked, slightly exasperated, as the source of inspiration for the characters confirmed everybody’s suspicions.

 

Artie just waved him off and continued reading. Before he could get another word in, the Skype ringtone from Kurt’s laptop on the table rang. Being closest, Sam clicked ‘answer’ and Santana’s devilish face filled the screen. Artie internally groaned. Just the person he needed, he thought miserably.

 

“Hello, everyone!” Santana chirped. Sam, Kurt, and Blaine waved at her, looking rather relieved. Her grin held sweet promises on what looks like is going to be an interesting night. She turned to Sam.

 

“So I saw on Facebook that you’re still staying over with the guys…” she began. “And I still have a few more name suggestions for the new glee club you’re running,” she said.

 

“I’m not running The Vibratos.”

 

“Santana, we were in the middle of--” but Santana cut Artie off.

 

She ahem’d. “Eargasm, Vocal Stimulation, Aural Titillation, The Dil Do Re Mi… Want more?”

 

“No,” Artie said curtly, ignoring the chokes of laughter around him. “We are in the middle of a very important table read.” He flapped his script for her to see. Santana then became unusually quiet.

 

A pause, and then, “All right. I’ll listen.” She sat back and leaned against her bed’s headboard with an innocent smile.

 

“You mean you won’t go away?” Artie dryly said with a hint of a beg underneath. She shook her head.

 

“This should be interesting,” she said, unaware that she had voiced out loud everyone else’s thoughts that moment.

 

Artie sighed. He had to muster all his remaining determination and strength to go on as dealing with Santana could be mentally draining. He recited:

\------------------------------------------------------------------

**FADE IN:**

**EXT. THE ENCHANTED FOREST - NIGHT**

 

 _Riding on the back of a majestic liger,_ **ARTHUR** _fights a path through the darkening forest while holding up a torch. Trailing behind are_ **SAMUEL** _and_ **SIR BLAISE**. _Each carrying their own torches. They are looking around for a sign that could somehow lead them to a castle._

_“‘Boldly face the Guardians of the Earth’,” Samuel muttered irritably. “That wizard could have just said ‘enter the damn forest’.” He was hacking at stray branches with his mace while trying to avoid the bow on his back from snagging pesky trees. Sir Blaise, garbed in chainmail and suited with a breastplate and helmet, took up the rear._

 

_The knight cleared his head and tried to recount the day; all three of them were standing in the middle of a beautiful English garden earlier this morning with no recollection of how they got there and how they could return home. Seated on a bench in the middle of the garden, as though he has been waiting for them all along, had been--_

 

_“King Fitzwilliams said that a prophecy was sent to him that the realm’s curse will be broken with the help of three young men,” Sir Blaise replied. He poked at a thick root with his longsword. “And that he was to repeat it when the time has come.”_

 

_In the thick of the dark that surrounded them, Arthur’s voice called out. “Squires, I have found the river!”_

 

_Samuel and Sir Blaise made their way to Arthur’s side, joining him in pondering how to cross the shimmering ice blue water. The stone bridge that stood farther down the river was useless; a large portion of its middle had crumbled to the water._

 

_“Maybe if my beast and I could jump…” Artie began by directing his liger to the bridge, but at that moment, a ghostly figure surrounded by a halo of green light rose up from the water, causing the men to quickly draw their weapons. They couldn’t tell whether it was a good spirit or a bad one._

 

_An unearthly beauty appeared before them; white blonde hair, wide hazel eyes, and slim ears that pointed at the top. Her neck and arms also seemed longer than an average human’s. While she seemed to shimmer with strength and power, a sense of sadness softened her facial features._

 

**WATER FAERY:**

_It is not safe to cross._

_The bridge is cursed._

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------

“Oh, come on!” Santana snapped from her screen, holding up a glass of wine she had poured herself for the occasion, and jolting Artie out of his focus. “You could have done so much better.”

 

The boy director sighed heavily. “And how would you have done it, Santana?” he spat back. But the question made the girl’s eyes sparkle and sit up straighter. She then grabbed her tablet from her bedside table and began to slide and scan the screen.

 

“Okay Hitchcock-on-wheels, we’re at the faery part now, right?”

 

“How did you even get the script?!”

 

“Sir Bowtie just emailed it to me.”

 

Artie glared at Blaine, who was clutching his own tablet and smiled with a unique combination of charm and apology.

 

Raising her voice a little louder, Santana said, “Let me see... Now imagine Quinn is our faery and our ‘river’ is the swimming pool in McKinley where Kurt peed in freshman year.”

 

“Get on with it, Tana.”

\------------------------------------------------------------------

 

~~**EXT. THE ENCHANTED FOREST - NIGHT** ~~

**INT. SWIMMING POOL, MCKINLEY HIGH - NIGHT**

 

~~**WATER FAERY** ~~

**QUAINT**

_I can try to help_

_(a pause)_

_But I will need someone to answer my riddle._

 

_They looked at each other, wondering if they all felt the nervous chill that just ran down their spines. Sir Blaise sighed, “What is the riddle, my Aquatic Lady?”_

_A pause. And then the water faery said, “Which beef bowl with a side of buttered homo still owes me ten bucks for the cab ride after the reunion last weekend?”_

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------

“Santana! I told you I’d pay you back next time!” Kurt hollered.

\------------------------------------------------------------------

 

_The travelers answered correctly. A magical wave of Quaint’s hand brought forth a boat to the pool surface, large enough to fit six people in. With the faery standing at the bow, Arthur and his liger behind her, and Sir Blaise and Samuel at the stern to balance everyone out, the boat stayed where it was._

_Then Quaint opened her mouth to[sing ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mHjuN0kXYzI)a hauntingly slow, melodic song that filled the echoing room with a magical air, prompting the boat to glide forward silently across the pool._

__

_“Where are you taking us?” Arthur asked, stroking the liger’s head to soothe its anxiety for not being on solid land._

_“To the next part of your journey," the three men (and liger) heard from the inside of their head to their surprise._

_Sir Blaise tapped Arthur’s shoulder. “I do remember a legend about a water faery my dad told me. If a man successfully rides her boat_ ("Wanky,” Sam imitated in Santana’s tone.), _she will take you to the entrance of a maze...”_

_“...and the keeper of the maze is her lover who turned into a monster.”_

\------------------------------------------------------------------

“That’s it?” Artie said aloud, staring at cyber-Santana in disbelief.

 

“I dunno, Artie. Santana’s version is actually getting good.” Blaine said, scratching the back of his neck. As the story began to get more interesting (and music was always a bonus), the boys had unconsciously edged closer to Santana.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------

 **ARTHUR,** **SAMUEL,** _and_ **SIR BLAISE** _safely cross the pool under the watchful eye of_ **QUAINT.**

 

**ARTHUR**

_(turns to Quaint)_

_Our humble gratitude to you, my lady._

_How can we repay you?_

 

_The leaves and running water fell silent, as though waiting for her answer with bated breath. “Free the Golden Bird,” she finally said. “And the curse will be broken. And then I will be…” she sighed, almost longingly. “Reunited with my love at long last. You will have to cross his terrain on your journey, but avoid him if you want to make it out alive. Good fortune to you, sires!” And with another blinding glow of light, she disappeared into the bottom of the pool._

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------

Kurt gave a low whistle. “I expected unadulterated bitchiness in your version but,” he remarked,  leaning back on to the sofa and taking a sip of his soda. “that turned out pretty epic.”

 

Santana responded with a little bow and a sarcastic grin. She looked way too pleased at herself. “Did you hear that, Abrams? Maybe you could learn something from me,” she said with a wink, making herself extra comfortable on the bed and taking another gulp of wine.

 

“Trap it, Lopez. I highly doubt it,” Artie tossed back. “Moving on to the next obstacle.” He flipped two pages forward while the others slid down with their digital copies. “The entrance to the maze of the beastly Minotaur,” he announced

 

“A what?” said Sam.

 

“A Minotaur. Part man, part bull - from Greek mythology,” supplied Blaine. “He was the monster of a labyrinth...a maze. And apparently Quinn’s-- I mean, _Quaint’s_ lost love.”

 

Sam fell quiet, looking thoughtful. And the second right before Artie was going to push through with the reading, the blond said, “Can Puck be the Minotaur? And the maze McKinley halls?”

 

“Sam!”

 

Kurt’s laptop speakers emitted a loud, gleeful cackle. “You take this one, Trouty,” Santana shouted. Her smirk only got wider as Artie threw his hands up in the air in exasperation.

  
Sam grinned. “Awesome! Now let’s get this _spooky..._ ”

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 **ARTHUR** , **SAMUEL,** _and_ **SIR BLAISE** _stand at the entrance of the labyrinth. They hesitate before taking another step in._

 

**SAMUEL**

_Well, shall we?_

_The hallways were dark and echoed with every step. At every corner they expected to find the Minotaur or a door to a further room, but they kept returning to the start. Another detour simply took them to a hallway that wasn’t supposed to be there, like how one opens the fridge to find their missing cat inside. It would make sense that a cat could have gotten inside, but cats do not belong inside refrigerators or any electric appliances._

_The three boys stuck close together while walking down the corridors whose overhead lights flickered on and off. Flickering shadows came alive, giving the impression that each shadow danced and kicked their way closer to them. It was akin to walking down a hallway peppered with Weeping Angels, but no one was getting time-misplaced. Fog swirled at ankle level and the boys constantly jumped at a loud bang or a distant roar of a beast._

_As Sir Blaise and Arthur began to harmonize a beat, Samuel[sang](http://youtu.be/E1mU6h4Xdxc?t=22s),_

 

_Metal banging came from the inside of the lockers as well as hissing and clawing sounds. Passing an open door, red light filled the shabby science classroom as leather-clad and puppet-chained-to-the-ceiling Cheerios writhed and jerked around in torture. All heads turned towards them, and before Samuel, Arthur, and Sir Blaise could find out what was going to happen next, they made a run for it._

 

_They ran past an empty hallway that dead-ended with a pair of twins holding hands in Cheerio uniforms. A broken pair of headphones lay at their feet._

 

 

_As the fog crawled across their feet, they held each other close as they approached another long corridor. At the far end, the door to the principal’s office banged open and a long, hairy spider leg slowly unfolded from the office._

 

_Nope._

 

_They bolted in the opposite direction._

 

_They ran towards the room they thought would be the safest. But upon crashing through the door of the dark choir room, they stopped dead in their tracks._

_A limp Rachel was lying on a bed, wires attached to all her pulse areas. The bed was mounted on a platform that steadily rotated for the doctors standing around in plague masks, black robes, and old fashioned clipboards to observe. A big screen was in place of the whiteboard where it flashed depressing scenes from her life._

 

_But Rachel was singing_

 

_Only when the doctors turn and stared at the intruders through the dark holes of their plague mask did the travelers freak out and backed slowly to the choir room door. Blood pounded in their ears as they ran out and kept running for their lives._

 

_A right turn, left, down the hall then to another left, the boys kept running, desperate for a way out of this disturbing nightmare. After doubling back down did they finally see the exit; a janitor's closet. The light that glowed from it was a stark contrast of the hellish darkness they were running from. The portal was made up of a white light that only good magic can create. So close now. Just twenty more feet._

 

_“Where do you think you’re going?” a deep voiced suddenly sneered._

 

_They skidded to a stop, panting. The guardian of the maze had appeared. A mohawked Minotaur blocked the illuminated door._

 

_Bum bum be dum bum bum de dum dum_

 

_“You’ll have to fight me to escape my labyrinth,” Noah Puckasaurus growled. Everyone else drew their weapons; Arthur had his katana, Sir Blaise his trusty longsword, and Samuel with his lightsaber, the new 2014 trailer version._

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------

“Really, Sam?” Artie said, looking up from his script. “We discussed the functionality and aesthetics about this last week already.” Sam sighed.

 

“Artie, it just really makes sense that--”

 

“Can we not do this again?” Blaine said, holding out a placatory hand. “You’ve already made your positions clear. Artie is nah, Sam is yeah. Let’s move on.”

\------------------------------------------------------------------

 

_“How do you believe that you can kill me,” Noah beat a fist against his chest and lowered his horns, as though ready to charge at any moment. “The Minotaur, the great beast of the McKinley Labyrinth?”_

 

_“We don’t have to!” Samuel yelled, but keeping his guard up. “A… water faery awaits your return. She said you haven’t been returning her calls.” He paused briefly before saying, “Quaint still loves you. She’s waiting for you outside the maze.”_

 

_Arthur frowned. “Samuel, that’s not going to work,” he hissed._

 

_“She is?” Noah asked, dropping his shoulders and his arms. Sir Blaise and Arthur placed a disbelieving hand over their faces. "Where is she?"_

 

_Samuel jerked a thumb over his shoulder. "Down the hall, to the left. She should be by the entrance of the pool," he said._

 

_"Right, cool," Noah nodded. His monster features began to disappear; his horns receded and his hooves turned back into fingers and toes. “Thanks, dude.” He loped off to where Samuel directed, after slapping his arm in gratitude in a dudebro way that made the blond squire slam into the wall from the strength. The last they saw of the Minotaur was his bare ass turning the corner of the hallway._

 

_And that’s how future generations will hear over campfires and twinkies, how three brave men defeated the Minotaur and exited the labyrinth without a scratch. And that true love was their greatest weapon of all._

 

**FADE OUT** \- with sparkle

  
\------------------------------------------------------------------

"I want to hate it but I don't. I really don't," Santana commented first. Sam squinted and concluded that it was an actual sincere grin on her face.

 

"Thanks, Santana," Sam grinned back, looking pleased. “Who wants to go next?”

 

“I assume, I, the writer and director, can’t go next?” Artie said dryly. But if anyone observed closely, a small smile betrayed his words. He was obviously enjoying hearing his friends, who were more musically inclined than storytelling inclined, come up with stories too.

  
“Guys, _Prince Kuno_ is getting a little bored around here,” Kurt sing-songed.

 

“Can I?” Blaine raised his hand and waited for permission to go on. At everyone’s nods, he beamed and scrolled down his script. “But I really like this fantasy world, so I think I’ll stay there. Kurt? Hands off me. We’re gonna get to you in a second,” he added in a distracted tone to an impatient and bored Kurt.

 

“ _Fine,_ ” Kurt sighed and retreated his hands from under the table where he had tried to tickle his fiancés left knee.

 

“Okay, next obstacle is the--”

\------------------------------------------------------------------

**EXT. MERMAID LAGOON - DAY**

 

_“--mermaid lagoon.” Sir Blaise stood at the lip of the beach, reading a wooden board sign that warned men about encountering sirens, water-beings who lure men to their deaths with their gift of song._

_“Maybe if we walk quietly, the mermaids won’t find us,” Arthur suggested. The three walked slowly, exhausted from all their running. They drank in the sunshine, ever so thankful for the blue sky after the horrors of the maze._

 

**MERMAID**

_Hey, sailors._

_They froze. The voice was female, a little husky with a whole lot of sex appeal. They were terrified to turn around but there was something persuasive in the voice that made them look._

_She had beautiful dark flowing beach hair and sun-kissed skin. Half of her tail was lazing underwater as her chest and folded arms rested comfortably on a rock. But the most prominent feature of this mermaid was the sexy, man-eating grin she had on._

\------------------------------------------------------------------

“Oh my god, I’m totally the mermaid, aren’t I?” Santana said excitedly, nearly splashing herself with her drink. “I’m so getting a topless, sexy mermaid tattoo. Don’t give me a stupid name, Blaine!”

 

“I’ll try. Love you too, Tana. But not more than _this_ guy next to me.”

 

“Love you too, bro.”  
  


“He wasn’t talking about _you,_ Sam.”

\------------------------------------------------------------------

 

_“H-hi. May we help you?” Samuel stuttered. He swallowed hard. Her magic was coming on strong._

_“Yes, you may,” the mermaid said. She rose to a sitting position, baring her front that was barely hidden by her long hair. “I’m Sardina and I am a little famished.”_

_“No, please! Don’t eat us!” Artie cried. But Sardina_ (“You suck, Blaine Anderson,” Santana said, looking betrayed.) _had already[dropped](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_1aF54DO60) her hook, line, and sinker._

_Sir Blaise blinked. Was he supposed to feel different? Wasn’t he supposed to feel a surging desperation to swim to the mermaid? He looked around at his companions. Arthur was trying hard to fight off the magic by covering his ears and talking to himself. However Samuel had been caught; his eyes glazed over and he started to walk towards Sardina and his death._

_"No! Samuel, no!" Sir Blaise yelled, trying to hold back his friend but failing. Samuel continued to walk, then waded into the sea. His heart felt like it was soaring. No straight man could successfully resist the seductive call of a mermaid, especially this particular mermaid who has a record of eating hundreds of men. Her finger beckoned him to come, the deep sadness in her song acting as a powerful reel to men who believe deep in their hearts that they could be the one to bring happiness and pleasure back into her life._

_“Arthur, help me,” Sir Blaise begged. “Samuel’s going to die!” But Arthur had his hands firmly clamped over his ears and his eyes screwed shut. But even if he succumbed to the mermaid’s song, he wouldn’t have made it there because his liger was focused on cleaning its own paw. A mermaid’s song does not work on animals._

_"Transform, Samuel! Use your power," Sir Blaise shouted, holding Arthur's liger back just in case._

_"Transform?" Samuel repeated dizzily. With amazing strength, Sardina carried him out from the water and into her arms. The moment she touched him, Samuel snapped out of his trance. He let out a scream of horror as he watched the mermaid transform into a vicious and fanged creature. Flailing away wasn't an option as Sardina pinned his arms. Instinct took over, and Samuel transformed into the prettiest girl he ever saw back home._

_Sardina felt her victim shrink and when she held him out to see, her entire face blushed._

_"Hi! My name is Britney. Single T with an E," Samuel said, matching the village girl’s voice perfectly._

_"It's working!" Sir Blaise whispered happily at Arthur._

_"What's your name?" Samuel-Britney asked, cocking her head to the side._

_"Sa-Sardina," the mermaid stuttered. Realizing that she was still holding the newly-transformed, beautiful blonde in her arms, she blushed furiously and set her aside. Sardina frantically finger-combed her hair in an attempt to make herself look presentable._

_“You’re like, really pretty,” Britney said. She ran her fingers through a clump of Sardina’s hair. And smelled it. “You smell like a dolphin. And that’s cool cause I like dolphins.”_

_“Yeah?” Sardina said. “Want to go for a swim? I can show you my dolphin friends.” Sardina had taken her hand and was about to pull her into the water before Britney pulled her back._

_“Not yet. I have a quest, you see. But it’s a secret,” Britney said, shyly. Then leaning over to Sardina’s ear, she whispered, “I’m looking for a Golden Bird. Do you know where I can find it? My friends are in trouble and I really want to help them. Could you please help me?”_

_In a perfect twist of irony, Sardina was hooked. Staring into Britney’s wide blue eyes was a wonderful reminder of her vast ocean. Her eyes were home and there was nothing Sardina could refuse this girl._

_“It’s in this castle. The new queen has captured it. Free the Golden Bird and the curse will be broken,” Sardina found herself saying. She placed a wet hand to caress Britney’s face. “You’ll come back for me, won’t you?”_

_  
Britney's face brightened, nodding her head full of enthusiasm and promise. "I will," she said. "I like being with you. You don't laugh at me like the others do. Thank you, Sardina." And to seal the deal, Britney kissed Sardina's hand and squeezed it in her own. With Sardina's lovestruck eyes on her back, she swam to shore and did not transform back into Samuel until they were out of her sight._

\------------------------------------------------------------------

“Did you enjoy my story, Santana?” Blaine finally said, smiling expectantly at the laptop.

“I was planning to introduce you to the business end of my stilettos for the name. I’ll let you live this one time, hobbit,” Santana declared. A half empty bottle of wine stood on her nightstand.

“Guess that means yes. I’ll continue then,” Blaine said with a smirk at his fiancé.

\------------------------------------------------------------------

**EXT. CASTLE DALTON - MID AFTERNOON**

**ARTHUR,** **SIR BLAISE** _and_ **SAMUEL** _stand in the shadow of the worn-out Castle Dalton._

_“How are we supposed to find the bird in there? This place is huge!” Arthur whistled, staring up at the stone walls and towering spires. “And I’m not sure if animals are allowed inside.”_

_“The Golden Bird is allowed inside,” Samuel pointed out._

_“We don’t even know if the Golden Bird is a real bird,” Sir Blaise countered._

_The castle that once carried splendor and grandeur was somewhat unrecognizable with its new features such as ugly sharp spikes off on the walls. It was heavily rumored that a three-headed dog guarded its doors and an All-Seeing Eye named The Beckinator lived inside the castle. Above the walls were strings of lights and colorful banners around the courtyard’s trees, a small reprieve from the intimidating metal gear. The sounds of a band rehearsing and the clattering of plates and silverware came from behind the walls._

_As Sir Blaise scanned the perimeter for a way to sneak in, the slap of shoes against a stone staircase hidden by trees and other sprawling greenery put the boys on high alert. After Minotaurs and mermaids, they could not afford to be careless. Weapons out and ready, they awaited their next opponent. But it was only a tall man who stopped three steps before the ground and held his hands up and an innocent expression. The tree’s shadow obscured his features._

_“Stop,” the man said. “I heard you talk about the Golden Bird. I know where it is. I can help.”_

_“Who are you? Present yourself,” Sir Blaise commanded. The man dropped his arms and walked into the light. When the sunlight casted over his features, all breath flew from Sir Blaise’s lungs. God, he was beautiful!_

_And princely. Oh crap, it’s Prince Kuno. It’s Prince Kuno and his perfect hair._

_“Forgive us, Your Highness,” Sir Blaise bowed quickly, followed by Samuel and Arthur._

\------------------------------------------------------------------

“Quiet everyone, I’m taking over!” Kurt announced.

\------------------------------------------------------------------

**PRINCE KUNO**

_Arise, brothers._

_And tell me about your travels._

_Dressed in an impeccably tailored suit with a brocade cravat and gold rhino pin, Prince Kuno studied the men before him, especially the curly-haired knight._

_Each took their turn in telling parts of their journey. They told of the beauty of the water faery, the nightmare of the labyrinth, and the lesbian, man-eating mermaid._

_Prince Kuno listened intently. He spoke, “Manners have taught me that I should invite you in for a cup of tea, a meal, and perhaps a warm bed. But I’m afraid I cannot.” He hardened his facial features and Sir Blaise saw a spark of fire behind his eyes. “Queen Kama Suetra has forbidden me to entertain visitors ever since I surrendered the castle to her. She will not risk it being dethroned by her detractors. But that’s not the worst thing she has done. Look at that!” He waved an irritated hand at the heads mounted on spikes at the top of the tallest tower. “I’m a fan of skull patterns as much as the next person, but this is ridiculous.”_

_“That’s why we’re here, Your Highness. We want to free this Golden Bird and help you reclaim your throne,” Sir Blaise said, running a hand through his hair. “It would be our greatest honor to assist you in this task.” He bowed to present the honor of his promise._

_“Oh, there are other things you can definitely assist me with,” Prince Kuno said._

_“What would that be, Your Highness?”_

_“You have not told me your name,” Prince Kuno said, smirking._

_Sir Blaise stood proud, ramrod straight. “I am Sir Blaise, Knight of the House of Anderson with the warbler as our sigil,” he said. “May I present my companions Arthur and Samuel.” The two bowed, grateful for the distance between them and Sir Blaise, as Prince Kuno’s heated stare at their knight was beginning to get a tad uncomfortable._

_“I am Kuno, prince of Kingdom Dalton.” Prince Kuno took a step closer. “A warbler, huh?” Sir Blaise nodded, curious to why Prince Kuno would be interested in the warbler. “Your sigil should be a tree because I would plant you right here and now.”_

_Arthur and Samuel took a step back and regarded the grass with the deep fascination it deserved for being so green and lush._

_“I…” Sir Blaise was crimson._

\------------------------------------------------------------------

Most especially in real life.

“Are you okay, Blaine?” Artie stifled a guffaw threatening to erupt, but failed. He tried to fashion a concerned face as his friend sounded like he was choking on his own tongue.

Blaine nodded quickly and tried to cough his fluster away. He also loosened his skull patterned bowtie as Kurt smirked in triumph.

"Wanky," Santana said, clapping. She looked so impressed.  "I am so proud, Kurt."

\------------------------------------------------------------------

_"Hold on, can you explain what this Golden Bird thing is anyway?" Samuel broke the thickening tension between the men. “We’ve heard about it and,” he chuckled. “We have no idea what it is. Or does.”_

_Prince Kuno considered his question, purposely ignoring Sir Blaise’s sputtering. “Kama Suetra, my political advisor, captured a bird that I let roam freely around the castle. Pavarotti is a unique bird with all sorts of magical properties and a soothing singing voice.” He sighed. “Pav was meant to be free and bring joy to everyone in need, so when Suetra locked him in this magical cage, it set upon a curse called the ‘Midnight City’, where people are turned into monsters and dark fears control everyone at every corner. My people are against me. No one can be trusted and no one is safe._

_“Release Pav and the Midnight City curse will be broken. Keep Pav caged any longer and Queen Kama Suetra will take over the entire realm.”_

_The prince was thinking. He continued, “I have a plan and with your help it might succeed. I could try to sneak you in. After sundown, you,” he pointed at Arthur and the liger, “will have to knock out some of the patrolling guards. You,” now pointing at Sam. "Will be the lookout. Make sure Suetra does not wake or The Beckinator see us. And you," he turned a cocked eyebrow to Sir Blaise. "Will wait with me in my chambers until it’s time. That is absolutely essential to the plan."_

_"Can we wait in your chambers too?" Samuel said. Prince Kuno's swift, sharp glare was all the reply he needed. No one else dared to say anything as Prince Kuno said, "Follow me," and placed a hand on Sir Blaise’s shoulder to lead him away._

** INT. THE PRINCE’S BED CHAMBERS - LATER THAT NIGHT **

_“Not that I’m not enjoying myself, I-I mean I truly am, but we have a bird to resc--oh my god.” Sir Blaise whimpered underneath Prince Kuno’s passionate work on his neck._

\------------------------------------------------------------------

“Down, Hummel. I wrote this movie with a PG-13 rating in mind,” Artie warned. Kurt wrinkled his forehead and conceded.

\------------------------------------------------------------------

_When Prince Kuno brought the knight to his bed chambers to wait till nightfall, the prince wanted to make the best of his waiting time. They were seated on a velvet couch in front of the fire and were listening for the deep, loud roar of Arthur’s liger from outside the window, which would act as their signal that Suetra’s guards were knocked out and The Beckinator distracted with someone hot. With Prince Kuno’s hand underneath his shirt (armor discarded near the door), Sir Blaise wasn’t sure he would be able to hear anything else, much less the signal, amidst a lot of moaning._

_“Promise me that you’ll take me away from here after you’ve freed Pav,” Prince Kuno said in hushed tones._

_“But why? You live in a castle! You’ll be king someday.”_

_Prince Kuno scowled. “Have you not seen Dalton’s courtyard? Suetra arranged a marriage between me and both of her daughters and expects me to consummate it right afterwards,” he said. “Tina and Mercedes are sweet girls, but they don’t deserve me. I like men, for gods sake. Is it wrong to want romance?”_

_Knock knock._

_“No, no, it isn’t wrong,” Sir Blaise quickly assured, taking his hand in his._

_Knock knock knock._

_Prince Kuno ignored the determined knocking and carried on with his ministrations. The door opened anyway and a blonde girl sauntered in._

_The prince sighed and sat up. “Yes, Brit?” His eyes narrowed at the interruption and did not see Sir Blaise’s jaw dropping. It was the village girl Samuel impersonated earlier._

_“I smelled rainbows and wanted to ask if you needed protection,” she said, folding her hands and smiling sweetly._

_Kuno sighed, “Blaise, my handmaiden Britney.” She curtsied. Sir Blaise had to blink away the lust to fully understand what the prince had just said. So he gave a half-hearted wave and an embarrassed smile. “Do you have anything to report, Brit? As you can see I was about to fertilize my garden here."_

_“Kuno, there’s a half-lion, half-tiger roaring in the throne room with a man on its back,” she began to rattle off. “This other boy is shooting arrows at Queen Kama Suetra's minions. It doesn’t seem like they’re winning… Anyways, I think they’re trying to get to Pav. Huh, did I feed Pav today?”_

_Kuno immediately stood up to grab his sword from the coat rack. “Why didn’t we hear the signal?” he shouted in panic._

_“Gee, why didn’t we?” Blaise muttered, pulling his boots back on._

_  
\------------------------------------------------------------------_

“Now that we’re entering the climax of the story,” Artie said, stopping Kurt with a hand. “May I do the honors?” Kurt sat back on the sofa and nodded.

“Right, now I’m just going to use our real names because this is getting ridiculous…” Everyone laughed in agreement and leaned forward. All excited eyes fell on Artie now.

_\------------------------------------------------------------------_

 

**INT. THE THRONE ROOM - MIDNIGHT**

 

_The battle had begun._

_War cries, metal hitting metal, and the smell of sweat and blood overwhelmed the senses of Blaine and Kurt. While Blaine ran off to help Sam, Kurt unsheathed his saber and not so much as charged but brisk-walked into the fray and chucked his shoulder at opposing fighters in his way, slashing and stabbing if necessary. His focus was on Sue, who was viciously clawing anyone's face who attempted to fight her or fight for her._

_"Sue!" Kurt yelled, placing a hand on hip as he stopped a few feet away from her. “I want my House, my throne, my bird, and my silk bathrobes back!” His former political advisor lashed a long snake tongue at him. He scowled. “You know it’s always gross when you do that,” he said. Raising his sword, he added, “So, it’s going to be this way?”_

_Sue responded with a presentation of her sharp claws. The pair drew nearer and the clash of forged metal against impenetrable claws green-lighted the war over the throne._

_Adrenaline powered Kurt's slashes and defensive strategies. It wasn't easy fighting someone who had something like ten tiny swords as their fingers against one long sword. Kurt brought up a leg to kick which Sue swatted away, nearly unbalancing him._

_Kurt parried a strike from Sue, panting. He wasn’t going to give up the right to his throne that easily, he just bedazzled it last week. In a moment of distraction, he had not seen Sue’s kick to the chest and oof, down he went to the floor. Her swordpoint was within an inch of his chin._

_“Admit it, Snow Gay, I’m a better ruler than you’ll ever be,” she flatly said. “Village morale is higher than ever and the demand for peasant-made pet wipes has reached the other kingdoms. I. Rule.”_

_“So what are the spiked heads for?” Kurt gritted out, trying to rub some relief on to his chest._

_“I need to feed my crows,” Sue said, as a matter of fact. As she raised her sword, more than itching to bring down the final blow, she froze. She couldn’t believe what she saw. The Golden Bird had fluttered on top of Kurt’s head and nestled comfortably in his hair._

_“BRITTANY!” Sue furiously roared and strode back to the cage next to the throne._

_The prince brought a hand up to pet the bird. “Hi, Pav,” he said, smiling and relieved that it’s all over. Back at the throne, Sue was spitting angry._

_“He was hungry and needed lady cuddles,” Brittany explained patiently against her wrath. When Sue meant to grab the cage to recapture the bird, the touch of the metal gave off a loud bang and a flash of light. Coughing the smoke away, Brittany stared at the spot where Sue had been screaming her head off. A bird noise caught her attention and Brittany cooed. A black vulture was squashed inside the cage and was making the most[annoying squawking noises](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uA5yGyB_z5U)._

_“Who’s the most adorable vulture in the world? That’s you!” Brittany waggled a finger at the beak that was trying to bite it off. While otherwise distracted by the new cage occupant, behind her were wisps of smoke and fighters on the floor. Several guards had transformed back into their human form, and the short being with hundreds of All Seeing eyes surrounding her head turned into a girl blinking behind her glasses in confusion._

_"I think the curse is broken," Artie said somewhere in the dusty chaos._

_"What makes you say that?" said Sam, pushing himself up to a sitting position._

_"For starters, I still can’t feel my legs. But I can see there's a guy between them now."_

_A tall, light brown-haired man was slowly regaining consciousness. Moaning and shaking his head, he slowly stood on shaky legs, ignoring his former master and rider. “Wha’ happened?” he groaned._

_Blaine tilted his head. "Artie, you've been riding Sebastian Smythe, the Casanova of the realm, this whole time?"_

_"Can we please never talk about this from now on?" Artie grumbled. Looking around, everything has fallen to place; Sue has been captured, the Golden Bird is free, and the curse is broken. In a land far away, a labyrinth has banished and its guardian was reunited with his long lost love. Looking down at his legs, Artie’s face fell._

_“Is something wrong, bro?” Sam clapped a hand on Artie’s shoulder. The latter shook his head._

_“For a second I thought the curse would…” Artie grimaced, beginning to gesture to his legs but waved it off. “Never mind. It’s cool. But I will require a new beast to get around now.”_

_“I could carry--”_

_“No,” Artie said curtly. “I’d rather put Smythe on a leash.”_

\------------------------------------------------------------------

“Artie,” Kurt began, putting his script down to clasp his hands. “I am really concerned about your fixation with Sebastian Smythe.”

 

“Wow, way to put words into my mouth, Kurt,” Artie said, pushing up his glasses and giving the gesture enough time to cover his cheeks. “It’s not a fixation. I’m just making fun of him.”

 

Blaine frowned. “But putting him on a leash-”

 

“Enough, I’m almost at the best part!” Artie said dismissively.

\------------------------------------------------------------------

 

_As though it had overheard the conversation, Pavarotti flew to Artie and perched on his shoulder. It playfully nipped the bespectacled boy’s earlobe before it trilled a happy tune that filled the air with magic, making it look like sunlight poured right into the throne room. Pavarotti sang,_

_**Tweet tweet chirp chirp** _

_**Tweet tweet tweet tweet** _

_**Chirp chirp tweeeeeet** _

_A distant rumbling that seemed to get louder with every second made everybody nervous, Artie in particular who had a feeling that Pavarotti had just hailed an ancient cave monster to finish the job._

_A green dragon the size of a bull moose thundered into the throne room, roaring with all its might. While everyone backed themselves to the far wall for their safety, only Artie was left on the floor. The dragon spotted Artie and stomped its way to where he was cowering. As Pavarotti flew away, leaving Artie all alone to fend for himself, the dragon nuzzled its large scaly head on the boy’s belly._

_“Oh,” whispered Artie, reaching a hand out to pet its nose. The dragon closed its eyes and savored the acceptance. Artie was in awe. “You’re my new ride?”_

_\------------------------------------------------------------------_

Exasperated groans rang throughout the apartment.

 

“Really, Artie?” Sam shook his head in disbelief. “Really, a dragon?”

 

Artie shot a half-heated glare at Sam. “Up yours, Evans. Your pathetic 2014-trailer lightsaber can go to nerd hell. I have a dragon.”

 

Santana was massaging her temples. “Somebody tell them to shut up before I have to watch these nerd babies slap each other all the way to Singledom and NeverLaid land,” she sneered.

  ------------------------------------------------------------------

 

_“So where do we go now?” Blaine cautiously said, being the brave one to approach Artie and his new dragon ride. He helped Artie up to the dragon’s scaly back, picked up the reigns from the floor, and made the secure adjustments on the beast wherever necessary._

_“We should introduce the real Brittany to the mermaid. And then we go home,” said Sam. Clapping his companions on the back, they walk out of Castle Dalton, now with a dragon, a prince and his handmaiden in tow. As they strolled out to meet the sunrise, we would like to believe that a happy ending has been accomplished. But as the prince, with Pavarotti fluttering around his head, ran forward to take a knight’s hand in his, Samuel witnessing the beginning of true love between a sweet peasant girl and a mermaid, and a half-naked and sleekly handsome former liger eyeing the empty throne, it was only the beginning of a new story just waiting to be told._

 

**FADE OUT - ‘END’**

  
\------------------------------------------------------------------

“The end,” Artie said. He flipped his script close and joined the others in clapping. While that was not his original ending, it didn’t hurt to tweak a couple of things for the sake of entertaining his friends. Plus, he realized the story was crap anyway. Back to the drawing board.

 

Kurt held his soda can. “I would like to make a toast. This is the very first Halloween where I have not dressed up in a costume, stayed at home, and still had a great time. Thank you, Artie, for bringing your gift of storytelling to a night where we could have watched ‘The Shining’ for the umpteenth time.” Kurt smiled at his friend. He raised his can. “To many more stories.”

 

“Cheers!” Even Santana joined in by clinking her glass on her laptop’s camera.

 

A knock on the door made everyone turn. Curious. Artie, being the nearest, set his drink back down and wheeled to the door. He slid it open to... no one.

 

Until a tall Great Knife-wielding Pyramid Man stomped inside and caused an eruption of terrified screeches of bloody horror in the apartment. Everyone jumped and Artie rapidly wheeled backwards, knocking down an artsy lamp.

 

“Hey guys, Happy Halloween!” Pyramid man cheerfully greeted, waving a candy-filled plastic pumpkin bucket that no one noticed. “I went trick or treating and thought I’d drop by to show you my costume.”

 

“Who…” Kurt’s eyes widened in recognition. “Elliott?”

 

Pyramid Man took off his head piece and Elliott “Starchild” Gilbert shook out his now unruly black hair. A dashing grin replaced the mask.

 

“Awesome, isn’t it? A lot of people asked for pictures on my way here; that’s why I’m late, again sorry,” he said. He then frowned at the laptop. “Is that Santana? Hi Santana!”

 

Santana gave a pained wave and a grimace. “Ugh, you guys are all losers,” she said. “I’m out of here.” The Skype call ended.

 

“She only left cause she screamed too,” Sam muttered, clambering off from Blaine’s lap where he had jumped on in fright. Kurt scowled at the mess Sam made from where popcorn flew everywhere in shock. “But, uh, hey. Cool cosplay, Elliott!” Sam said. Managing a grin, he offered seating space for Elliott and went off to get another beer for their guest.

 

“Screw you, man. I almost soiled myself,” Artie grumbled, wheeling back to his place.

 

“Sorry,” Elliott said as he smiled sheepishly. “Can I make it up to you with--” he spilled the contents of his bucket on to the table. “Candy?” Colorful and brightly wrapped sweets of all sorts tumbled over one another, creating a small pile that appealed to the each of the boys’ inner child. Half a second later and they all each had grabbed a handful.

 

Kurt moaned, “Reese’s Pieces. You’re an angel, Elliott.” He also plucked out a couple of lollipops from the pile. He had plans for those later. Artie ripped open a packet of M&Ms and poured the entire contents into his mouth. Not to be outdone, Sam was playing a one man’s game of chubby bunny. Blaine happily chewed on the gummi bears two pieces at a time.

 

“Those are great pumpkins, Kurt,” Elliott said, nodding at the pumpkins all lighted up in a line on the kitchen counter. “Are those yourselves? Cause I think I know that one with the bowtie.”

 

Kurt and Blaine beamed with pride. “Kurt helped me carve it,” Blaine said. He did a mighty fine job of carving caricatures of his friends, if he may say so himself. Suddenly, a creeping thought crawled up his skin and gave him goosebumps. He stopped eating.

 

“Hold on,” Blaine said, frowning.

 

_“Who lit the pumpkins?”_

 

\------------------------------

### “I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”

—Frank Herbert, _Dune_

\------------------------------

 

Thank you for reading the GSF Halloween special. Next week we’ll be back with our usual episodes, characters and several locations including L.A., Lima and N.Y.C.

 

Songs used in this episode:

 

Kurt and BlaineThis is Halloween from Nightmare Before Christmas

QuinnHold Your Breath (Swimming Pool) by Ellie Goulding

Artie, Blaine, Sam, and RachelDisturbia by Rihanna

SantanaYoung and Beautiful by Lana Del Ray

 

 

 


	3. Bros Helping Bros II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one-shot fills in the other half of the conversation that Rachel overheard Sam having with Blaine at the gym in episode 7 "With A LIttle Help From My Friends"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written by gingerfic  
> Beta by HKVoyage and alwaysfallingforanidea.

Blaine got off the subway and started walking back to his apartment. He had a few minutes so he decided to call his best bro.

Sam picked up on the first ring. “Blaine! Hey!"

“Hi Sam,” Blaine paused, “You sound out of breath.”

“Oh it’s no biggie, I’m just at the gym.”

“Oh, should I call back later?”

“No, this is fine. Actually I want your opinion about something.”

“Oh, ok!” Blaine’s tone was cheerful. “What?”

“So, uh, this is kind of awkward, but I don’t really know anyone else I can talk to about this, so…”

“Sam, whatever it is you know you can always talk to me,” Blaine said encouragingly. He knew that Sam got insecure about awkward things, and this wouldn’t be the first time he’d helped talk him through something.

“How do I know if I’m normal?”

“Um, what?” Blaine needed a little more context if he was going to answer that question.

Sam hesitated, trying to explain himself. “I mean like, _down there_ , how do I know if I’m normal sized? I know it’s a weird question to ask, but we are besties, right? And we lived together too so it’s not like there’s a lot of secrets between us. I figure if there’s anyone I can ask it’s you,” Sam gestured awkwardly, even though obviously Blaine couldn’t see him. “Plus since you’re gay and everything then you probably just know more about that stuff than me, so like you are the perfect person to ask.”

“Oh, uh, wow Sam. That is kind of an awkward question to ask a guy,” Blaine started, but then he hesitated. Sam wouldn’t have asked if he didn’t genuinely care about the answer. He probably had a reason for it. “Why do you bring it up?”

There was quiet from both ends of the line for a moment, interrupted only with the quiet _clank! clank!_ of the machine as Sam pumped his legs in and out before he spoke.

“Well things are starting to get serious with Mercedes again I think--”

“That’s great!” Blaine interjected.

“Yeah, it _is_ great, but you know how we’ve been waiting, and I’m getting nervous that when we get there she’s going to be disappointed with my…”

“You mean that you think when you do have sex with her that she won’t be happy with the size of your penis,” Blaine said pointedly. Then he glanced around himself quickly to see if anyone had overheard him, but thankfully there weren't many people on the street right now. Blaine knew that there wasn’t a point in beating around the bush with Sam, but some things are awkward to blurt in public.

Sam nodded, and even though he couldn’t see it, Blaine seemed to just know.

“Well, firstly, I’m going to tell you that almost all men fall within a very similar range of size. And if Mercedes is a virgin then it’s not like she’s going to be comparing you to anyone else you know. She loves you, Sam.”

Sam grunted as he lifted the weight over and over, listening to Blaine talk.

Blaine went on, sensing that Sam needed a little more soothing. “But more than that, you have to know that it’s not size that makes the sex good or not. You _do_ know that right? It’s how you love each other and give to each other that makes the difference. Sex with someone you love is wonderful, no matter what their body is like or how experienced they are. Because it’s not about the technical stuff--I mean obviously you have to know something about the technical parts--but making love to somebody is about love…” Blaine went quiet, remembering his own experiences in the matter, and knowing that Sam’s had not been the same, and his heart broke a little bit for his friend. “It’s going to be ok, Sam.”

Sam sighed. “Thanks bro, that makes me feel a lot better.”

There was a click as Sam hung up. Blaine slowly shook his head as a half-smile slowly appeared. Trust Sam to bring up something like that. Blaine pulled open the door of the loft and stepped inside. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Missing scene from episode 15, “I Gotta Feeling.” Kurt and Artie run into David Karofsky in a New York coffee shop.
> 
> Written by Wowbright  
> Beta by HKVoyage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Read the summary. Mention of canon suicide attempt.

\-----------------------------------

Brooklyn Roasting Company, New York City

\-----------------------------------

Talking to Karofsky in the middle of the Brooklyn Roasting Company felt like an out-of-body experience. Kurt’s mouth formed words and his body made gestures, but he felt detached from the whole process, as if his mind had vacated his body and everything was now running on autopilot.

“Yeah,” Karofsky nodded enthusiastically in response to something Kurt had said. (Kurt already couldn’t remember what it was.) “I’m looking to transfer to Columbia. They’ve got a great program in sports management.”

“That’s great,” said Kurt’s autopilot. “I remember you saying you wanted to be a sports agent.”

“Yup. It’s never too early to start living your dreams.” Karofsky’s shoulders heaved as he sighed happily. “You taught me that.”

Kurt was aware that the appropriate response would be something like _Thank you_   or  _I’m glad_ or even  _You’re the one who found the strength to do it._ But he said none of those things. Instead, he contemplated crawling under the table and clinging to Artie’s legs until Karofsky left.

Kurt hadn’t come to a decision when an unfamiliar voice made Karofksy look away. “Hey, Dave, sweetheart, here’s your coffee.”

Kurt’s and Artie’s heads turned simultaneously toward the source of the voice -- a stout barrel of a man, shorter than Karofsky but just as broad-shouldered. He had a long red beard and handlebar mustache, and wore tattered jeans and a plaid overshirt that was rolled up to his elbows to show off muscular forearms. But he wasn’t all hipster machismo. He had a dramatic lilt to his voice, and he swished his hips as he walked toward them, so that the chain running from his belt loop to the wallet in his front pocket made soft clinking sounds against his thigh.

“Thanks, honey,” Karofsky said as the man handed him a to-go cup. He leaned forward and gave him a peck on the lips.

Artie narrowed his eyes as he watched the couple.

“Jeremy, this is Kurt Hummel,” Karofsky said. “You remember me telling you about Kurt. He sort of saved my life.”

“Of course I do!” Jeremy said excitedly. He reached out his hand to Kurt for a shake. “Enchanté, Monsieur Hummel.”

Kurt shook Jeremy’s hand, but could barely feel it. Across the table, Artie cleared his throat.

Karofsky looked at him. “Oh, and this is … I’m sorry, dude. I forget your name.”

Artie gave Karofsky a death glare. “I guess shoving someone into a locker doesn’t make them as memorable as threatening to kill them.”

Karofsky’s face went ashen, then red. “Sorry about that. Though I guess an apology isn’t enough, is it?”

Jeremy rubbed the small of Karofsky’s back comfortingly and leaned close to his ear, loud enough for Kurt and Artie to hear. “It’s okay, babe. You’re not that guy anymore.” He turned to Artie. The expression on his face was like that of a teacher whose student had disappointed him. “He’s mentioned you, too. Just not by name.”

“Yeah, I’m used to that. Most people just call me ‘wheelchair kid.’ But I do have a name. It’s Artie Abrams. Don’t let your boyfriend forget it this time, because I’m going to be famous one day.” He held out his hand for Jeremy to shake while Karofsky looked around the coffee shop as if searching for an escape route. The panicked look on his face brought Kurt back to the moment right before Karofsky ran out of Breadstix years ago, a week before he tried to kill himself. Kurt felt suddenly sick.

“It’s true,” Kurt blurted out.

Artie grinned that toothy grin he gets when he’s truly flattered. “Thanks, Kurt. I never knew you had such faith in my directing career.”

“Not that,” Kurt said, realizing his mistake only when Artie started shooting daggers at _him_. Kurt cleared his throat. “I mean, yes, you are going to be famous one day, that goes without saying, but –” He looked at Karofsky and Jeremy’s joined hands. The last time Kurt had seen Dave, he’d just gotten off of suicide watch. A suicide he’d tried to commit because people at his school thought he was a “fag.” And now here he was, casually holding hands with the man he loved. “You _have_ changed, Dave.”

Karofsky looked down at Kurt, blinked like a startled deer. “Thanks, Kurt,” he said. “I’m trying.”

Kurt nodded. “That’s all you can do.”


	5. Baby Girl Hummel Arrives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This takes place between the end of GSF episode 18 and the beginning of episode 19.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written by [ gingerfic ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/gingerfic/pseuds/gingerfic)

Blaine had practically had to hold Kurt’s hands to keep him from calling Burt every twenty minutes to see how labor was progressing.

“Labor takes time, Kurt. He will call when there is news, but unless you’re the one that’s pushing out the baby, it’s mostly just waiting.”

“But what if…”

“Kurt, he will call!”

Sure enough, Burt called or sent a text every hour or so. They were all the same: Carole is fine, things are progressing, but no baby yet.

\---

Kurt paced until it seemed he would wear a groove in the floor. “Should I make a cheesecake?” He suddenly asked. “That would keep me busy for a while…”

“We’re getting on an airplane tomorrow, and cheesecakes don’t travel well,” Blaine reminded him.

“Oh yeah, right, ok.” Kurt paced some more. Every time his phone rang or beeped with a text he startled, jumped, and pulled it out of his pocket eagerly, only to look crestfallen when there was nothing new to be said.

“Why don’t we work on packing instead,” Blaine suggested. They had decided to make this trip with only carry-on luggage to save on stowed baggage fees, but that would mean some very careful outfit planning for both of them.

“Yeah, that’s a good idea,” Kurt agreed. “That’s going to take a while.”

\---

Afternoon gave way to evening, and evening surrendered to night. Kurt and Blaine took a break from packing to stand together on the fire escape, watching the sky change from blue to orange to purple. The city lights prevented them from seeing any stars, but they knew that Lima would have them.

“Being born under starlight seems romantic,” Blaine murmured as he slid close behind Kurt and slipped his hands around to clasp with Kurt’s in front of his waist. “I’m sure she’ll be here soon. And tomorrow we will be on a plane on our way to see her.”

Kurt squeezed his hands gently. “What do you suppose they’re going to name her?” he asked softly.

“They said they have a name picked out but that they wanted to wait until they could see her and make sure the name fit.”

“I know,” Kurt sighed. “I guess I just wish I felt like I were more involved. This is my sister, you know?”

Blaine laughed. “A sister who is young enough to be your daughter, yes, I know.”

Kurt shuddered. “Oh my god, Blaine, don’t say that! We’re not ready for kids!”

Blaine kissed his ear. “I know we’re not. And yours is certainly not the only family to ever have a big gap between children. I just meant that from a biological perspective a lot of people are more likely to have kids in their twenties than in their forties.”

“Yeah, I know,” Kurt nodded. “I’m kind of glad we can’t ever have an unplanned pregnancy though. It’s overwhelming even secondhand!”

Blaine laughed again. “Let’s go finish packing. It’s getting late and our flight is early.”

\---

It was nearly midnight when another call came in from Burt. As with so many other calls that day, Kurt fumbled the phone in his excitement and nearly dropped it before he got it to his ear. “Hi dad!”

There was a moment of silence and Blaine looked up from where he was carefully laying bow ties in his suitcase. Kurt’s eyes grew wide and he brought his other hand to his mouth and Blaine knew this was the call they had been waiting for.

“...and everybody is fine? The doctor checked and everything is… Yeah? Oh good. I’ve been so worried. Just ask Blaine, I was pacing--literally pacing, dad--I seriously have no idea how people handle waiting through labor when it’s actually their kid. I almost made a cheesecake!”

Blaine watched his fiancé with a fond smile playing on his lips. Kurt’s face was so expressive that Blaine didn’t even mind that he couldn’t hear anything Burt said. He knew he would get to hear it all again tomorrow anyway.

“Ok, goodnight dad. We’ll see you all tomorrow. Our flight gets in around noon but then we have to drive down… yeah, I have my key, we’ll let ourselves in and come over to the hospital after... Ok... Tell Carole we love her too, ok, bye.” His thumb pressed on the phone and the screen went dark as Kurt slowly shook his head in what appeared to be disbelief.

“What?” Blaine

“You’ll never guess what her name is.”

Blaine raised an eyebrow, waiting for Kurt to go on.

“Charlotte Elizabeth Hummel,” Kurt announced. “Can you even believe that?”

“That’s a pretty name,” Blaine smiled and contemplated his shoes, trying to decide how many pairs he really needed for a one week trip since he knew he was going to have to make some room in his bag for Kurt as well. (Blaine could pack for a week in a carry-on, but Kurt couldn’t, and Blaine had anticipated needing to share even before he had suggested traveling light.)

“I know, it’s a beautiful name. But they have no idea Blaine! I could tell, they had #no idea!”

“No idea about what?” Blaine looked up at him. “What am I missing?”

“Oh my god, I can’t believe it, you didn’t notice either?”

“Notice what?” Blaine was a little concerned now at how agitated Kurt was becoming, so he came around the bed and took both of his fiance’s hands in his own. “What’s wrong?”

Kurt rolled his eyes and huffed. “Who even are you?! How could you not have noticed that the name my parents picked for my new baby sister is #the same name as Kate and Will just gave to the new princess?!”

“Oh yeah, it is!” Blaine grinned. “That’s awesome.” He paused a moment before adding, “your folks have no idea do they.”

“Nope.”

“Are you going to tell them?”

“Nope!”

Blaine laughed. “So if your sister has the name of a princess, does that make you a prince?”

“Well, technically the royal baby is named Charlotte Elizabeth Diana, so it’s not exactly the same--”

Blaine shut him up with a kiss. “I think it’s close enough. Because I’ve said for ages that you’re my prince charming, and if you ask me this is just the universe falling into alignment to confirm my belief.”

Kurt snorted and shoved him away playfully. “You’re romantic to the point of being ridiculous. You know that, right?”

Blaine nodded proudly. “Yep.” He popped his hip into Kurt’s before walking back around to finish his own packing. “And you love it.”

Kurt’s smile softened and his eyes glowed in the lamplight. “Yes, I do.”

Blaine surveyed the clothing that Kurt had strewn everywhere in his attempts to decide what to pack. “Do you want me to help with this? Because we are supposed to be at the airport in about eight hours and I was hoping to sleep a little while before then but your clothes are all over the bed…”

Kurt glared at him, but he hadn’t stopped smiling. “I was a little preoccupied all day, ok? Now that I can focus it shouldn’t take too long.” He laid a couple of pairs of skinny jeans in his carry-on, then tapped his finger on his chin and contemplated the remaining space. “The only thing I’m concerned about at this point is how I’m going to fit it all into this one suitcase…”

Blaine grinned and pointed to the space left in his bag. “I saved you some room. I thought you might nee-umph!” his words dissolved into a grin as Kurt pounced on him and kissed him soundly.

“You are seriously the best fiancé ever.”


End file.
